Brad Stulberg – Master Of Change (2023)
De huidige illusie van zekerheid, van controle, maakt dat men vergeten is dat ’the only constant is change’. De auteur betoogt dat deze onvermijdelijkheid niet alleen moet worden geaccepteerd, maar moet worden omarmd. Verandering is wenselijk.
Ancient wisdom and modern science agree that impermanence is an undeniable reality, a fundamental truth of the universe.
Clinging to the illusion of permanence, hoping that we won’t be struck by change, is misguided at best and leads to suffering at worst. […] Developing a strong, enduring and cohesive sense of self, demands specific skills. Skills that aren’t typically taught in school, and have been largely neglected by recent generations, who far too often have deluded themselves with ideas of control, security, and constancy – all of which work fine … until they don’t.
Whereas homeostasis describes a pattern of order-disorder-order, allostasis describes a pattern of order-disorder-reorder. […] Following disorder, living systems crave stability, but they achieve that stability somewhere new.
Non-dual thinking recognizes that the world is complex, that much is nuanced, and that truth is often found in paradox: not this or that, but this and that
Once you accept something as an immutable reality in the present moment, you give yourself permission to stop wishing it away or trying to manipulate it on your terms. This allows you to direct all of your energy toward acceptance and moving forward.
“I always try to question the difference between what is truly tradition and core, and what is merely habit. […] This core, this is who we are and is not going to change, everything else is sort of up for grabs”
The more granular someone’s naming of an emotion (e.g., ‘longing’ instead of ‘sadness’, or ‘tightness’ instead of ‘anxiety’), the better they are able to respond to both the emotion and the situation that gave rise to it. Knowing something’s name really does give you power over it, and the more precise (i.e., truer) your naming is, the more power you have.
In the middle of difficult circumstances our perception of time slows. […] It is opposite of ‘flow’ or ‘peak’ experiences during which time flies because we are in the zone.
The best approach [getting through challenges] is to combine fierce self-discipline and fierce self-compassion. […] Being kind to yourself in the midst of struggle and hardship affords you the resilience you need to endure, persist, and flourish.
Skillfully responding to change requires creating space between an event and what you do, or don’t do, about it. In that space, a pause, you give immediate emotions room to breathe and thus you come to better understand what is happening – that is you process. As a result, you can reflect and strategize using the most evolved and uniquely human parts of your brain to make a plan, and only then proceed accordingly.